Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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