Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize