I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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