At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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