i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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