So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
