I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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