You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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