I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
