Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
