I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
