Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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