just tell him i said nine months
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
