Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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