Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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