I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
