Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
