Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
