i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
