Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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