I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
