just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
