Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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