If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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