i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is my gift to your gina
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
