Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
