Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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