You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
