i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
