I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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