the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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