the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
