Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize