I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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