...so i touched it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
