I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize