the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
