She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize