Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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