Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize