I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
