I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
