Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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