saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
