Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
