he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
