I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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