I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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