I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
