Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
two words: eviction party
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
