Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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