Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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