i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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