but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
