I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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