omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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