I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
