I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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