You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
