i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
