Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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