If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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