Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
