ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
