A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize