Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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