U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
