she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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