this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
