I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
