she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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