I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
