I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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