yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
