We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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